Something that I woke up thinking about today and simply had to share as this one has had me stuck at times.
I often see pretty Instagram meme’s saying
YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS INSIDE OF YOURSELF and LOOK WITHIN.
I even say it to my clients and I do believe this is ultimately true.
But there is one big fat challenge with this.
We don’t always know how to access the answers YET.
We don’t even know where to look for them inside our intricate minds. Which could be why you’ve been feeling frustrated, lacking direction or like a failure, just like I did.
What is my purpose? My unique reason for being here? What will I contribute to the world or to humanity? What will my legacy be? How will I find the courage to LOVE MYSELF?
In the past I would look for external help in the form of anything from books, guru’s, my peers, people I’d never met off Facebook and anywhere else, if I thought might help me. I’d swing between looking at all these expensive, lengthy, time-consuming lifelines, full of promises and financial investment and coming back to no, I SHOULD be able to get to these answers on my own. Then never get anywhere. Then the cycle would start again. And again! Sound familiar?
It is frustrating and overwhelming. I hear you. You need someone who’s been through it and gets IT and gets YOU.
Back in the day, i’d be sat there in some kind of clumsy meditation pose, as I’d read meditation has all the answers. And, side note, I used to think to be in full lotus was the ONLY way to properly meditate. So I did believe this on some level was why I wasn’t getting my answers. Anyway with the double leg cross being far, far from my grasp, the normal school child style ‘easy cross’ was my only option (crying laughing face)
But before I’d get close to any answers I’d be crippled by the pose and pain in the knee’s and have to move and then I’d feel I’d somehow gone back to square one.
What I’m trying to say here is that YES the answers are all inside of us, we know better than anyone else what is in our hearts. Yet sometimes we need something or some one external to show us how to access it. And let me tell you, that is OK. It is more than ok. It is actually vital to your journey.
This positive external help could show up in many ways and probably already has for you, you know that one pivotal book that someone recommended to you one day and now you recommend to everyone. Yes, that’s an external source. The writers view or opinion of the world.
You could be toying with getting a mentor or coach. I can only tell you what I know to be true for myself and I have learned from all kinds of experts along the way. They have helped me to overcome challenges and encouraged me to be my highest self.
I see investing in myself and constantly learning as a very special and VITAL to an EPIC and FULL life.
External help could also show up in the way of meeting the perfect person or partner or a stranger on a train, who helps you realise something within yourself.
This once happened to me – I met a kind of crazy woman on a train one day from Manchester to London. My biggest challenge back then (also I thought) was not being able to find a partner who I connected with on a level I had heard was available. (hehe I was so cute looking back)
She explained that the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t find a man, it was I didn’t know myself. She explained how to give and get LOVE in a way that I’d never considered before. I have a lot to thank that lady for. She definitely helped me take a leap forward on my path.
She said don’t focus on trying to ‘get’ love. At the time I would have never admitted to anyone that I was looking for love. However, I was trying to find it in a man. None of the men I was meeting were satisfying my needs emotionally though. Which was probably because:
‘You can only find the kind of love you are searching for IF you first have that level of love for yourself’
Now when I think about it, it is obvious. I was attracting men who were a mirror of myself. Closed, emotionally detached, aren’t being honest with themselves, don’t know themselves, they needed to first heal themselves first and protecting their heart by not loving anything fully.
The lady on the train said ‘focus your energy on bringing more love into your life’. This was something I hadn’t really thought of at the time. Although I lived a fairly healthy life. Ish. I ate the best food I knew how to eat. I was partying most nights though drinking copious amounts of alcohol as I had labeled myself a ‘party girl’ when actually looking back, this was a lot to do with the fact I was searching for love from a man. and keeping myself busy (being mindlessly drunk). So going out was the nearest to feeling that. Any form of attention from men (oh gosh this is embarrassing to say now) equaled love. It wasn’t really love though, was it!
She sent me on my way with a new attitude and a list of books.
I fully listened. I told everyone, I’d met this amazing, magical woman on the train and from now on everything changes.
I didn’t really know how to bring more love into my life without looking to others though at that stage.
I do now though. Here are a few simple things that I do:
I look for signs of love everywhere. Ie if I see a couple having a quiet moment, cuddling or kissing. Observe this and notice the love. I will admit, when I used to see this kind of thing I would be like errrrrrggh get a room, or honestly feel quite (ah it pains me to say this) jealous. I was in denial. I would kid myself that it was gross. Possibly with thanks to our conditioning in the western world maybe. I firmly believe love should be celebrated.
Read love stories, real life ones if possible. Watch old school movies (or some new ones) where people are actually in love, let’s face it, love is often the theme in a movie. SInce we are all on some level looking to experience it.
Notice all the small things. Get out in nature. If the miracle of this planet we live on is usually enough to help provoke this level of wonder and joy. The delicate opening or a new rose bud. The colours of the sky at sunset. Children happily playing with no care in the world. A tiny bird washing in a puddle. Ahhhhhhh this is pure love.
See the gold. In every situation. Chose to believe that everyone is loving and kind. Even if they don’t seem it or know it yet. I remind myself. Everyone is doing their very best, with what they have available to them. They are not me and I can’t expect anyone else to think or act like me. Find something to love about them, to compliment them on, to uplift them.
Run in the direction of places, people and things who ‘light you up’ If you see a friend and after you feel flat and uninspired, then maybe it’s time to lovingly, limit your time with that person. Yet if you meet up with someone and afterward you feel like, ‘right I’m on it, I’m going to do that thing I’ve been saying I will do’ or you simply just feel alive. Then this is a good sign and I suggest you start seeing more of these people.
Read inspiring books/watch inspiring youtube clips. Especially ones where people achieve the impossible. Or Have such a story where your heart sings after watching it. Hearts singing is what we want. When your heart sings, you are a magnet for the same vibrational frequency back. But don’t do it for that. Do it for YOU.
Eat food that you know makes you feel tremendous. Think about it. After which type of meal do you think. BOOM I could dance around the room naked or I want to wear that figure hugging dress tonight? These foods are your staples. You don’t need a health coach or dietitian to tell you that. Eat more of these. Eat nourishing, healthy, high vibe food and that’s exactly what you will be. But you knew that. This is just a reminder 🙂
Compliment and praise people. If you think it, say it. If you see another woman and her eye glisten like magical marbles tell her. She will likely remember that beautiful compliment from the heart for ever.
If you love somebody, tell them. I know this one is scary. You don’t have to go all in and tell someone you love them fully and want to marry them, have their children and be with them for ever and ever amen. Just notice something you love about their character or personality and tell them. I tell all my friends and family I love them whenever I feel it. Which wasn’t always the way. I even tell cyber friends who I’ve never met but I resonate with I love them and I mean it! Try it.
So basically what I am saying is, it is ok to have external help along your path. You don’t have to do it alone.
The trick is, and this is the real lesson here, is to choose your external gurus carefully.
There are those who you inspire to be like and those who you don’t.
Those who give you a lot of advice, usually based on their story which can overwhelm you or even worse leave you feeling you have problems you didn’t know you had.
Then there are those who help you dive deeper into your own self. They ask you all the right questions. You end up questioning your own narrative and having deeply awakening light bulb moments.
Always choose consciously and choose wisely.
Here is a powerful affirmation, one which has supported me fully on my path. ‘I am now attracting successful mentors, they see more in me than I see in myself. They are able to support me in becoming my highest self’
If this blog resonates with you please comment or send me a private message.
Be well, perform random acts of kindness and keep in touch.